Parenting Styles

 

Have you ever considered what kind of Parenting style you are? While we are all unique , when it comes to the way we parent our children, we are lumped into specific styles. According to clinical and developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind, et al; research has suggested that there are 3 prototypical styles, although the uninvolved style is a more recent addition which is credited to Maccoby and Martin .

Authoritative Demanding and Responsive	This style is characterized by emotional warmth, high expectations, and standards for behaviour, consistent enforcement of rules an explanation for  the reasons behind these rules, as well as the inclusion of children in decision making. It is believed that this method leaves children with a high level of self-esteem and they do well in academics.
Authoritarian Demanding but Not Responsive:	This style is characterized by strict expectations for behaviour and rigid rules that children are expected to obey without question.   Because of the lack of communication in this relationship, even a child living what seems like the ideal life will feel anxious and unhappy, and will lack curiosity and creativity.
Permissive Responsive but Not demanding	This style is characterized by emotional warmth but few expectations or standards for the behaviour, Because of the lack of structure and regulations, these children tend to have lower expectations for themselves and can do poorly in school. They can also be immature and lack a sense of independence.
Uninvolved Unresponsive and Not Demanding	This style is characterized by a lack of emotional support and a lack of standards regarding appropriate behaviour. However there is more to it than just a parent ignoring their children. This process of neglect can start when the child is an infant, leaving them feeling confused and detached right from the start. You may know some of these kids and observe them as finding social situations quite difficult and display very low self-esteem and attachment issues. This style as agreed by experts in the field of child Psychology Is the one to have the most detrimental effect on children long term.

 























I had recently attended a meet and greet, that was designed to introduce parents in my community. Although there were very few participants I had engaged in quite a long conversation with a father about how we parent our children, discussing our similarities and differences.  Although his techniques were not what I would consider my style, I could understand why he held his views. He was definitely a blend of the authority styles , in that he expected his children to obey without question, although providing an explanation when necessary. I found that his expectations for their behaviour left little room for his children to make mistakes. And in his description of his parenting, rewards were few and far between. He was unapologetic for holding his values, nor should he be. He may have thought that I was too soft in my approach. Though we did share many of the same ideals. It was the execution of those ideals in where we differed. One of the interesting topics was the discussion of the ways in which we differed from our spouses. His wife seemed to hold as I do more of the nurturing role, while he , much like my husband is the no nonsense disciplinarian.  

 That got me thinking that perhaps in families where both parents are present ,probably more often than not, parents take on 2 distinct roles one as the nurturer, the other as the disciplinarian. Quite like the good cop - bad cop scenario and also that these roles are more gender specific than our gender neutral society would like to admit.

Don't get me wrong even in my role as the nurturer,  because of the fact that I am a stay at home mom, I tend to have more of the interaction in disciplining my children. However there are quite a few times when I have lost almighty control of the situation , and repeat that old cliché "wait till your father gets home".

 When I think back to my childhood growing up with a single Mother, I can understand perhaps a bit more of the frustrations she had, there was no-one to pass the buck too.  Although I don't agree with many of her choices, she must have felt she had to take one role or the other. She took the disciplinarian role.  As I think about it, that is perhaps why I'm eager and willing to be the nurturer but so reluctant to take on the role of disciplinarian.

 After carefully examining the characteristics of parenting styles, I can honestly say I am a   blend of two styles Authoritative and  Permissive. I may not measure up to the ideal parenting standards and I am certainly not an expert in the field of psychology, but Im ok with the kind of parent I am.

 After all I am the Im:Perfect Parent.