Parenting Styles

 

Have you ever considered what kind of Parenting style you are? While we are all unique , when it comes to the way we parent our children, we are lumped into specific styles. According to clinical and developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind, et al; research has suggested that there are 3 prototypical styles, although the uninvolved style is a more recent addition which is credited to Maccoby and Martin .

Authoritative Demanding and Responsive	This style is characterized by emotional warmth, high expectations, and standards for behaviour, consistent enforcement of rules an explanation for  the reasons behind these rules, as well as the inclusion of children in decision making. It is believed that this method leaves children with a high level of self-esteem and they do well in academics.
Authoritarian Demanding but Not Responsive:	This style is characterized by strict expectations for behaviour and rigid rules that children are expected to obey without question.   Because of the lack of communication in this relationship, even a child living what seems like the ideal life will feel anxious and unhappy, and will lack curiosity and creativity.
Permissive Responsive but Not demanding	This style is characterized by emotional warmth but few expectations or standards for the behaviour, Because of the lack of structure and regulations, these children tend to have lower expectations for themselves and can do poorly in school. They can also be immature and lack a sense of independence.
Uninvolved Unresponsive and Not Demanding	This style is characterized by a lack of emotional support and a lack of standards regarding appropriate behaviour. However there is more to it than just a parent ignoring their children. This process of neglect can start when the child is an infant, leaving them feeling confused and detached right from the start. You may know some of these kids and observe them as finding social situations quite difficult and display very low self-esteem and attachment issues. This style as agreed by experts in the field of child Psychology Is the one to have the most detrimental effect on children long term.

 























I had recently attended a meet and greet, that was designed to introduce parents in my community. Although there were very few participants I had engaged in quite a long conversation with a father about how we parent our children, discussing our similarities and differences.  Although his techniques were not what I would consider my style, I could understand why he held his views. He was definitely a blend of the authority styles , in that he expected his children to obey without question, although providing an explanation when necessary. I found that his expectations for their behaviour left little room for his children to make mistakes. And in his description of his parenting, rewards were few and far between. He was unapologetic for holding his values, nor should he be. He may have thought that I was too soft in my approach. Though we did share many of the same ideals. It was the execution of those ideals in where we differed. One of the interesting topics was the discussion of the ways in which we differed from our spouses. His wife seemed to hold as I do more of the nurturing role, while he , much like my husband is the no nonsense disciplinarian.  

 That got me thinking that perhaps in families where both parents are present ,probably more often than not, parents take on 2 distinct roles one as the nurturer, the other as the disciplinarian. Quite like the good cop - bad cop scenario and also that these roles are more gender specific than our gender neutral society would like to admit.

Don't get me wrong even in my role as the nurturer,  because of the fact that I am a stay at home mom, I tend to have more of the interaction in disciplining my children. However there are quite a few times when I have lost almighty control of the situation , and repeat that old cliché "wait till your father gets home".

 When I think back to my childhood growing up with a single Mother, I can understand perhaps a bit more of the frustrations she had, there was no-one to pass the buck too.  Although I don't agree with many of her choices, she must have felt she had to take one role or the other. She took the disciplinarian role.  As I think about it, that is perhaps why I'm eager and willing to be the nurturer but so reluctant to take on the role of disciplinarian.

 After carefully examining the characteristics of parenting styles, I can honestly say I am a   blend of two styles Authoritative and  Permissive. I may not measure up to the ideal parenting standards and I am certainly not an expert in the field of psychology, but Im ok with the kind of parent I am.

 After all I am the Im:Perfect Parent.  

Frugal and Fun

FRUGAL AND FUN, connecting with your family, connecting with yourself. We can all benefit from participating in some of our favorite childhood activities like flying a kite, blowing bubbles and yes, even coloring.





Ask yourself this, when was the last time you colored with your children? Did you know coloring is beneficial not just for children but for adults as well? 
De-stress- Coloring a bit of time each week is a great way to slow down and spend time chatting with your children. I find that my children and I have the most quirky chats during this quiet activity,  Even taking that half hour or so to not worry about money, work, or the stressors in life will give your mind quite a boost from all that clouds it. It can also give your body a boost in that coloring and losing yourself has been compared to Meditation. One of the benefits of meditation is a natural way to lower blood pressure. I see this happen whenever my husband sits down with our children and colors with them. He normally has high blood pressure but I can see the shift in his posture after just a few minutes.  Co-ordination, Grip and strength all of which are great benefits for children who are working on their fine motor skills. But for adults with Arthritis or related issues working on coloring a few times a week can help improve your grip and strength , it also strengthens your mind, and sparks creativity. Team work-Yes I know what does teamwork have to do with coloring? Well if you have ever shared a coloring page with a child you will understand it takes teamwork. We as adults are programmed,  an elephant is gray not red. We have a hard time even though it may just be a picture letting children color a picture the way they see the world, especially if we have a stake in it because it will be "wrong". Children are much more creative then we are , and their imaginations are not limited to seeing anything in one way, they might make that elephant blue, or purple. The challenge for us as adults is too just stand back and let them but still be an active participant in the team. A great lesson on letting go of control.

I recycle lots of goodies for our craft bins, sometimes its a free for all , at times its organized with a specific goal.  We love crafts in our home, and not just the kids, me as well. Its one of the things that I don't need to force participation in, especially with the age span of our children it's getting more challenging to do things as a family , and that won't break the bank.  

I'll be linking tons of pages that I've come across ,some of which We've tried, but all are inexpensive and fun ideas to help you interact with your children and learn from them.  

Easy Easter Craft for preschoolers
Crayola website

The "Get Along Shirt"

The "Get Along Shirt"

I had come across "the get along shirt" idea. But being so long ago I don't even know where to begin to give kudos to whomever came up with this ingenious idea.
I'd say this is best for children 3 and up.

If you have never heard of the "get along shirt" , the idea is quite simple.

Take an inexpensive t-shirt size xxl or larger if you can find one and write across the front
"Get along shirt" In large letters. I cut the collar off  so the neck is loose enough for 2 people.

For families with multiple children you know that bickering amongst siblings is completely normal. To be honest quite annoying at times. Why can't they get along? OR Just stay away from each other for awhile.

Its a kind of phenomenon that I would compare to the law of opposite attraction.

Siblings know what buttons to push, and seem to enjoy pushing them even if that means some sort of retaliation . And of course then come the "Mommy he said, she said"  back and forth , the annoying part, right?

 Nothing will ever make everyone like or get along with each other all of the time, that is unrealistic, it just came to a point where I figured there has to be a way to curb this a little.

I will warn you , some may find this idea just as I did, creative, some may think its quite hysterical. And I know some of you might think I'm the worst mother in the world- if this is you, stop reading now.

If on any given day , 2 of my children just can't seem to stop the bickering and refuse to solve their issues on their own without having to run to me for interference ,
I calmly remind them of our families get along shirt. That will usually get their attention but sometimes they are like a snowball and just keep rolling.

They are given the shirt and must wear it each with one arm in each sleeve, standing side by side in front of me, for a few minutes until the offensive behaviour stops. Generally at this point one is laughing , while the other is sobbing telling me how its not fair, they didn't do anything, so and so started it. I probably should warn you , its often tricky to keep a straight face while trying to have a serious conversation with the offenders.
I Just can't help myself and have a need to take a picture. Of course this is optional. But great for a giggle with them when they are calm.

Not only does this tactic put an end to the bickering , they communicate with each other , after all it takes teamwork from both to get out of the get along shirt,  But my sanity is spared, you know what they say "Laughter is the best medicine."

(I will spare my children the embarrassment of posting a picture. Use your imagination.)

The Joy of freedom

Something amazing happened today. 

 

I spontaneously decided after breakfast I would take my girls and walk around our new town. I didn’t have a particular place to go, and I didn’t have a time schedule. Imagine that? Of course there is always something to do, I just chose this path that will lead us to anything. As I packed up some snacks, and water. The usual questions from my girls about where we were headed, My response as genuine as ever “nowhere” I said with a smile.  Grace looked at me with skepticism and demandingly asked again “where we were going?”

I explained we were just going to walk into town and see where we end up. Her next question, as expected. For what? Tricky to explain to a 5 year old that were just going, not for anything, no real destination, no schedule. Simply just to see where we would end up.

 There seems to be a reason for everything in life, so this really took her for a loop. In fact several times along the way, I was asked are we there yet, what are we doing?

Having no plan for a child like Grace , who likes everything to be just right, is like putting your shoes on the wrong feet. Sure you can walk, it just doesn't feel right. Sophia and Victoria being younger and having more of a free spirited personality didn’t seem to mind that we had no plan. A clear symbol of their innocence, they were just as they have always been, right by my side without question.

We simply strolled.

It was Glorious.

It gave us a chance to chat and giggle and be silly, with no distractions. I had given them choices along the way, turn this way or that. Do you want to stop here or keep going, They seemed to enjoy being “in charge” . We weren’t looking for anything specific just getting to know what our new town has to offer. Quite a difference from the subdivion life close to big cities, we left no so long ago. We spent at least 5 hours, in and out of the small shops along Main Street. Stopped at a restaurant for lunch. I just enjoyed their chatter rather than telling them exhaustingly as I usually would to hurry up and eat.

It was probably just as we left the restaurant that it occurred to me, that in all the time we were out , they were not bickering or being mean to one another. They were smiles. True genuine smiles that came from just being happy.

I know that it is not realistic to do this every day, or even every week but . I would like to challenge myself, to let go of time more often, To take more of these strolls. Even if we don’t end up anyone spectacular.

Rather than finding a reason why we can’t, Experiencing the Joy of freedom will be the reason why we can.

 

 

Leftover Rice Balls

LEFTOVER RICE BALLS 

As I've often mentioned , we usually have leftovers. Making extra of a specific food or meal is a great idea for a quick meal on busy nights. I also use them to make different meals,In this case Rice balls.

Nothing Fancy to them , but with little helpers the preparation can be a little messy . Obviously for safety's sake you the adult should be in complete control of the final step of frying.

Ingredients/Preparation- Yield 24 Balls

4 cups leftover rice, I've used all types , so don't worry about having a specific kind of rice. As you can see my rice had a mix of vegetables in it.

Generous Dash of spice/s- get creative here! My favorites are of course Salt, Pepper, Oregano, parsley, basil.

2 eggs mix into rice mixture to coat well, use your hands to ensure all rice is coated and not clumpy, if rice is still to dry add a bit of water

add bread crumbs to rice mixture, quantity will depend of how wet the rice is, I would guess about 1/2 breads cups for each cooked cup of rice, you want the rice sticky not soaking wet, you should have at least 1cup of bread crumbs put to the side for the final step.

Begin to roll rice into balls, once formed poke a hole about half way through using your finger and insert 1 piece of mozzarella in the center of each ball, about 1 cm x 1 cm depending on the size of your balls- optional
 * wetting your hands will make rolling them quicker and less sticky to handle, so keep a bowl of lukewarm water handy to dip your hands while forming your balls

use a cookie sheet to place your formed balls, best to keep some space between them,
 

 once you have them formed begin to roll each ball in bread crumbs .
 

Final step : Fry them up, I use a deep fryer filled with vegetable oil, but use what you have.
It takes about 2-3 min for a nice crispy golden crust.

Enjoy as a side or a snack Buon appetito!
 

 

What's in your Pantry?

 
Ever wonder what to make for dinner?

Having a key few items always gives me a few go -to meals when I've procrastinated to long on dinner preparations. Im Thankful to have a well-stocked pantry. After all in these long winter months, we are a family of 7,  we definitely rely on it. Although to those who don't know me, My Pantry might look a little bland, but I can assure you there is much more there to work with.

These are my must haves:

 

Fruits and Vegetables potatoes  Apples Onions Carrots	Dried Goods rice Pasta Flour Salt, pepper and sugar Cereal
In the fridge Eggs Milk bread	In the Freezer  Ground Beef Frozen Vegetables Bread
Canned Tomatoes Soups Vegetables Tuna Apple juice

When I shop I am always looking for sales to build up my stockpile. I generally have an idea of what's going to grace my table for the next week, so my grocery trips are strategically planned with very few extra items being added to the shopping cart.  A great tip when shopping on a budget, and sticking to it.

What stinks?

WHAT STINKS?

 



I recently had the distinct privilege of becoming one of those mothers who clenched every time my son took his shoes off. It was Torture, the smell I'm sure could have killed any small rodent within a 10 ft. radius.
It started about half way through soccer season. Understandable since he was running non stop for hours in hot weather, sometimes in the rain, it could happen to anyone. Right?
So his cleats were banned to the garage where I would dose them frequently with fabric refresher until I was reasonable certain the odor was under control. As for his feet- straight to the tub to be washed as well as any prepubescent boy washed themselves. Which I'm fairly certain involved a quick splash of water , a minut amount of soap, a rinse , then the smell test. Not familiar with this particular test? Well picture a boy lifting his foot to his nose, if he smells soap before anything else. There clean.
Two weeks after school started and new shoes , the smell once again began to permeate my nasal passages. ugh.
I admit I scoured the internet for solutions. Surprisingly not one cause or remedy had anything to do with what the material of the shoe was made of, which I guess I had always assumed that leather was the culprit when really it was  a buildup of bacteria all along. Duh ! Of course. my son's feet stink because of bacteria.

A few of  the remedies I've tried , Baking soda was just ok, soaking the feet in tea , nope. Even a drug store powder was a bust . A trick that somewhat helped was putting antiperspirant on his feet, who would have thought?

This is What works for him now

He now has 2 pairs of shoes , which he wears on alternating days, it gives the other pair a chance to air dry properly. As well as midday sock change if needed .
Thankfully now the answer to my question " what stinks" no longer is my son's feet.
Though I'm always on sniff patrol Its winter time, hormones are raging . I can't wait to see what spring smells fill the air in our house.